Sunday, November 22, 2009

A New Moon Descends upon the Vatican

    Sound the trumpet!  The men in flowing gowns, who brought you glowing reviews for alcohol-induced, anti-semantic raving and Lefebvrite Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ and its rib-stripping torture-porn of the innocent messiah, have declared judgment on their latest moral punching bag: The Twilight Saga: New Moon

    Catholics tend to ignore comic news stories about the Vatican, but they are becoming worryingly prevalent – and most of them are entirely the Church’s fault. The latest one reveals that Monsignor Franco Perazzolo of the Vatican’s Pontifical Council for Culture has condemned The Twilight Saga: New Moon, part of a teen vampire romantic fantasy series (I kid you not) which was released yesterday.
    As Nick Squires reports, Monsignor Perazzolo said the film was an “an explosive mix” of good-looking young actors involved in supernatural activities. He also reckoned that the film’s occult imagery represented a “moral void more dangerous than any deviant message”.

     Once again, the Vatican equates its own superstition and mythology with that of a Hollywood action film. Nothing undermines the Vatican’s authority more than condemning things so ridiculous as vampire popcorn flicks. Was the Vatican worried that if they didn't condemn The Twilight Saga, that the three books would be added to the biblical canon? (After the apocalyptic pulp rag Revelation, who would notice?)  What, are their gay vampires in the film?  Did Monsignor Perazzolo feel a new moon rising on his horizon when he looked at those shirtless teen werewolf boys?

     Pointing a golden-ringed finger at stupid teen vampire lore, only shows how insecure the Vatican is in its own mythology.  Once again, the Holy See has subjected the masses to its theological penis envy. 

     What about preaching from scriptures in which god orders and commits religious genocide? What about the violent god who used the children of Abraham, Job, and David as pawns in his divine game? What about killing your own innocent son as a sacrifice? What about the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Cathars, etc.?  For more Vatican atrocities, click here.  The Vatican itself is the perpetrator of physical, psychological, and spiritual violence, and for over 5 billion people in the world carries no moral weight.

     New Moon drained the box office record for best midnight premier, and the vampy film's $72.7 million's blood-letting of The Dark Knight's previous record of $67.2 consumed the record for best opening day. Monsignor Perazzolo definitely has the pulse of the people.