Saturday, December 12, 2009

Flint's Prayers Answered: Mark Ingram Wins Heisman

     It's final. The vote is in. Florida's St. Timmy Tebow and Texas' Blessed Colt McCoy are out, out of god's graces. The imaginary football fan in the sky has anointed the Alabama Crimson Tide's running back, Mark Ingram, the football savior of the year.

     "First and foremost, I'd like to thank god. I'm so blessed and without him I wouldn't have been able to accomplish this," Heisman winner Mark Ingram benignly stated, unconsciously downplaying every other unanswered prayer in the world that his god could possibly have answered, like the prayers of starving children in Madagascar, children frightened for their lives in Afghanistan, children being sexually abused by priests, or of children dying of cancer.

     When will these Jesus-crazy athletes finally realize that attributing their football success to any god is just ignorant, self-aggrandizing hypocrisy?

     Here's the presentation and Ingram's humble attribution of his success (and his competitors' failures) to his god:

     2009 Heisman winner Mark Ingram on receiving the Heisman and god answering his fans in Flint's prayers:

Never forget.

St. Timmy Tebow: Fifth place (out of five finalists).  Ouch.