Saturday, December 5, 2009

Jesus Hates Tim Tebow and the Florida Gators

     Tim Tebow, Heisman winning quarterback of the Florida Gators, isn't only known for his football skills.  At every game, he wears a different bible passage on his cheeks, as if saying that Jesus blessed him and was responsible for his success after each of the twenty-two straight wins before tonight wasn't enough to prove his Christianity (and Calvinistic beliefs) to all of us football worshipers.

     Well, tonight, St. Timmy fell from Jesus' graces.  Perhaps it was Tebow's choice of scripture that finally pissed off the football-obsessed Christian savior of the universe.

     For you heathens out there, John 16:33 states "But take courage.  I have conquered the world."

     Perhaps, St. Timmy was getting ahead of himself there with that self-deification, because as sports-Christians know, Jesus is a fair-weather fan.

     To punish St. Timmy for his violation of the First Commandment, Jesus stirred up a celestial smackdown at the hands of newly anointed Pigskin God: the Alabama Crimson Tide's Mark Ingram.

     When asked by a CBS sports reporter, "What was the key [to winning] tonight?"  Ingram responded:
     First of all, I just wanna thank god, you know.  I'm so blessed.  And sometimes you gotta let go and let god work for you and that's what I did tonight.  I just gotta give him all praise and glory!
     Let go and let god?  Thanks for that flashback to 1970s' backwoods retreat wisdom.  I was waiting for Ingram to break into song, not Kumbaya (too cliche), but something even more histrionic like "Pass It On."  After all, it only took a spark to get the Crimson Tide going.

     Ingram went on to refer to the Crimson Tide's win over the Gators as "redemption."  Translation: "Jesus hates the Florida Gators and St. Timmy Tebow."

     I just love that the Christian god and I share something in common: a love of football and a loathing of scripture-sporting and overcompensating crybaby quarterbacks.

     Hey, St. Timmy, I have a scripture passage for you: Proverbs 24:9.
"Beyond intrigue and folly and sin, it is arrogance that men find abominable."

Adam Drags Eve: Traditional Marriage in New York

     In New York this week, the state Senate voted down the marriage equality law that had passed the House.  The defeat came at the hands of eight Democrats (and the influence of the anti-gay religious group NOM) who voted with the senate's Republican minority to defeat the bill.  Democratic State Senator Joseph Addabbo told the press that by voting against marriage equality: "Here I truly represented equal rights for all."  Seriously?  "For all"?  How do these people sleep at night?  (With members of the opposite sex, of course.)

     One of the Democrats leading the charge for traditional marriage was Senator Hiram Monserrate, yes, that's the same Monserrate that "accidentally" tripped into his girlfriend and slashed her face up with broken glass before violently dragging her out of building to "help" her at a hospital, not down the street, but twenty-three miles away.  As Monserrate's lawyer told the press: "Her head collided with the senator's hand, which had glass in it."  It sure did.  His nickname "Monster Rat" is apparently well-earned.

     Monserrate was convicted of misdemeanor assault conviction in October, and yesterday, just days after voting in support of "traditional" marriage and telling same sex couples that their relationships are lesser than his own loving hetero relationship, Monserrate was sentenced to a measly three years of probation, community service, and counseling - not the 60 days behind bars that prosecutors wanted.

     As The Daily Show's Jon Stewart put it, in New York, traditional marriage means that "Adam Drags Eve. Not Adam drags Steve."

     Traditional marriage indeed!  Hypocrites.
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Rest in Peace Nathan Halbach

      Please take a moment today to call to mind Nathan Halbach who is being buried today.  I wish his family much peace and healing in this time.

     When tragic stories like Nathan and his mother Pat Bond's come into the  media spotlight, it's an important reminder that there are countless others who have also been damaged, betrayed, exploited, and abused by priests, religious leaders, spouses, parents, family members, teachers, professionals, etc.

     Abuse, no matter who it is committed by and no matter how old the victim, is atrocious.

     Here are just a few resources for people who have been abused:

Rick Warren's Still in the Spotlight (surprise.)

      Over on Shakesville, there's a great discussion going on about Rick Warren's following internet post:

     This comes statement after Warren's involvement in the human rights disaster taking place in Uganda.  Warren's good Christian values are not only theologically violent, but are now in part responsible for encouraging the Ugandan government to pass Bill Number 18 and put gays to death.

     On Shakesville, Seraph4377 commented:
You know, he's [Warren] right about one thing. The Christ of the Gospels really did refuse to hurt back (whether you think he had any deific powers to use when the Romans came for him or not, he definitely told his armed followers to stand down) and told his followers to do likewise.
Thing is, Jesus didn't always live up to his pacifist principles. Even if you leave aside that little temper tantrum with the fig tree (a hungry man is an angry man, after all) and the nasty side effects that exorcism had on the Gadarene Swine (that wasn't done out of malice), you're still left with one occasion where He got genuinely violent - I mean, table-dumping, whip-swinging berserk.
And what was it that set Him off? Did He come upon a homosexual couple? A midwife who performed abortions? Nope. Turns out He really, really didn't like people using their religious authority to take advantage of the rubes.
Which reminds me of another story. Jesus is confronted by an angry mob who have caught a sexual sinner in the act. They demand that He pass judgment (aka legitimize the lynching they are about to perform), but instead of doing so - or "not taking sides" - He quietly shames them all into leaving said sexual sinner alone.
Is it possible, just maybe, that Jesus might want his followers to do the same?
Maybe Warren should worry about whether Jesus really meant that "whatever you have done to the least of these" thing.
     My response:
Seraph4377, you hit it on the nose: the Jesus of scripture would just walk away.
Christianity is a mess, full of cultish adherents to different personalities, one of which is Rick Warren, but you could just as easily substitute Pope Benedict, Pat Robertson, Gene Robinson, Pope John XXIII, Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Luther, Calvin, Francis of Assisi, Arius, Nestorius, etc. (right or left, throughout history). Why not substitute Paul, Apollos, or Cephas, as the Corinthians did (1 Cor 1:12)?  Most churches exists to perpetuate themselves and their preachers' lifestyles, not the word of some god.
I left behind the Catholic priesthood, the Catholic church, and ultimately faith in any sort of god because of the hypocrisy and theological violence that people do in the name of their gods, of which ignorance is usually the most powerful god. Rick Warren is not about Jesus, god, or doing good, he's about fattening his own image and pocketbook.