Monday, February 15, 2010

Prayer Defining Moments

PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Ambrose Bierce, 1911

     The Christmas season prayer of Republican Senator Tom Coburn:
    Going into Monday morning's crucial Senate vote on health-care legislation, Republican chances for defeating the bill had come down to a last, macabre hope. They needed one Democratic senator to die -- or at least become incapacitated.
    At 4 p.m. Sunday afternoon -- nine hours before the 1 a.m. vote that would effectively clinch the legislation's passage -- Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) went to the Senate floor to propose a prayer. "What the American people ought to pray is that somebody can't make the vote tonight," he said. "That's what they ought to pray."
    It was difficult to escape the conclusion that Coburn was referring to the 92-year-old, wheelchair-bound Sen. Robert Byrd (D-W.V.) who has been in and out of hospitals and lay at home ailing. It would not be easy for Byrd to get out of bed in the wee hours with deep snow on the ground and ice on the roads -- but without his vote, Democrats wouldn't have the 60 they needed.
     The prayer of Conservative Christian Republicans:

      Psalm 109:8 states "Let his days be few; and let another take his office."  That's mild compared to what the holy bible says in verses 9-15.
 9 May his children be fatherless
       and his wife a widow.
 10 May his children be wandering beggars;
       may they be driven from their ruined homes.
 11 May a creditor seize all he has;
       may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor.
 12 May no one extend kindness to him
       or take pity on his fatherless children.
 13 May his descendants be cut off,
       their names blotted out from the next generation.
 14 May the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the LORD;
       may the sin of his mother never be blotted out.
 15 May their sins always remain before the LORD,
       that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth.
      Prayer of thanks to god for AIDS and 9/11 and for killing gays and those who support them.  To argue over whether AIDS is god's judgment on gays click here, apparently Pat Robertson called and it's still up for discussion.

      School children were indiscriminately crushed to death in their classrooms during the Haitian earthquake, but one girl (16) pulled from the rubble after fifteen days without a broken bone is a miracle attributed to a loving god.

     Disaster and death of 230,000 = not god's will (although some claim it is).

     Random survivors escape the rubble = god's divine intervention; answered prayers.
(Photograph taken by Reuters/Eduardo Munoz)

     According to the blog, Republican Faith Chat, don't even think about praying for the Haitians and don't give them money, because that's against god's will.

     But be sure you are praying for Americans to win in the Olympics or for your team to win whatever football, basketball, etc. game you've bet on, because god listens to those prayers.
I guess these Christian Colts didn't pray hard enough, to beat the Saint of New Orleans, where sinners and homosexuals flash their private parts in the streets for beads and screw in the allies.