Thursday, April 15, 2010

Tiger Wood's Nike Commercial Gets Christian Bale Overhaul

     The new Nike commercial featuring Tiger Woods and his back-from-the-dead father Earl Woods telling Tiger what he thinks of Tiger's sex scandal has been re-dubbed with Christian Bale's violent and inappropriate Terminator Salvation meltdown.  Strangely, it doesn't seem as out of place when placed over the "let's make money off of Tiger's adultery and mysterious addiction" Nike commercial.
     If you haven't heard the Bale rant before, it's full of F-bombs.  So don't click the video if you are easily offended.

The View Opens a Can of Whoopie Ass on Homophobic Bigot Mike Huckabee

     Why not continue to adopt the Christian way, like Christian World Adoptions.  They buy Ethiopian children from their parents and then sell them to Christian families in the U.S.A.  The children are told they are going on an exchange program, and don't realize until they get to the U.S.A. that the good Christians lied to them and never intended to return them to their families.  CWA made $5.2 million in 2008 trafficking Ethiopian children to the U.S.A.   (A video about this heinous hypocrisy is embedded at the bottom of this post.)

     The View's Whoopie Goldberg, Joy Behar, and even the more conservative Sherri Shepherd take Huckabee to task on his hypocrisy, Sherri telling him that as a Christian it's supposed to be about love, not hate. 

Watch CBS News Videos Online

Altar Chimps, the Daily Show's Cure for the Catholic Sexual Abuse Crisis

"You're Welcome" with John Hodgman.
The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
You're Welcome - Church Scandal Prevention
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party

Just to recap.  Here are Hodgman's prescriptions for preventing priest-perpetuated pedophilia:
  • Prevention by replacing cassocks with button fly jeans and altar boys with altar chimps
  • Kill the Mood by desexifying the Mass: no wine, no incense, no more boy sopranos
  • Accountability via maximum security monasteries
     To recap, here are the steps for remodeling the Catholic confessional in order to assure the safety of children, who must confess their sins to a priest who stand in for a two thousand year old anti-clerical radical named Jesus.

Replace wooden confessional walls with stone

Replace the flimsy screen with five-inch bulletproof glass

To ensure the safety of the child on the other side, place a couple of armed guards next to the priest
The Maximum Security Confessional

*Confessional images from The Daily Show
*Chimp cartoon from OneGoodMove

This post approved by Pedobear.