Showing posts with label Bad Religious Art. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bad Religious Art. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Another Apparition: MRI, Deep Throat Jesus

     Since no one came to believe in Jesus after he appeared on a doggy sphincter and then in some frozen pizza sauce, Jesus had to take it to the next level.  He has come again in the throat MRI of a South Carolina woman.

     Here is Deep Throat Jesus:
     Don't you see him?  Perhaps you need some help.

     If you look closely enough, you might be surprised to find that Jesus is joined by his mother and infant-self, Star Fox, Lord Voldemort, and the planet Jupiter. (Or not.)

     Still need help?  Perhaps this will do:

     Here's the CNN report.  (Why is this news?)

All praise, glory and honor to Joe.My.God for the video link.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Dominican Priest Wants to Destroy Religious Artwork Because He Thinks It Looks Gay

     A new iconoclasm has blossomed in the Catholic Church.  The Church that has blamed its priest/pedophile scandal on gays and the cover-up by popes/bishops on the evil media is now taking its homophobia to new lows, directing its ire at something that can't fight back: art.

Does my gay religious ecstasy make me look gay?
     The Digital Journal reports:
     A Catholic priest at a Dominican Republic resort town wants to destroy artwork in his parish because the painting shows angels with “a homosexual expression.” This confuses the faithful, he argues.
     The painting named "Allegory of the Virgin of Carmen," was concluded 12 years ago by Dominican artist Roberto Flores. The artwork adorns the interior of the church of “Our Lady of Carmen” in the mountain community of Jarabacoa, an agricultural and tourist center located in the Dominican Republic.
     The priest Johnny Duran sparked the controversy surrounding the painting, after promoting the adoption by the Jarabacoa City Council of a resolution that revokes an earlier statement by the same council that designated the mural as municipal heritage. Explaining his reason to to revoke the previous decision and destroy the mural, the priest argues that the church congregation feels uncomfortable by the painting and that the mural does not inspire religious sentiments because the angels there depicted have a “diabolical, homosexual look” in their faces.  Further, he contends that it is not clear whether the angels are male or female.
     Father Johnny Duran, needs a lesson in Catholic mythology.  Angels are are neither male nor female, some argue they are sexless.  They aren't supposed to look male or female, you ignorant moron.

     Some other works of art at risk of being destroyed for their gayness include:

All works by Michaelangelo, starting with the Sistine Chapel
Adam pulls more than just god's finger.

Any artwork of Jesus and the "disciple whom he loved"

All artwork of saints in ecstasy

Anything with cherubs

All portrayals of Jesus with long curly hair and/or with children

All portrayals of sacraments that hint at fellatio

Everything religious ever painted by Leonardo Di Vinci, including:
John the Baptist
The Last Supper 
How diabolical looking are these guys?

Tipped by Joe.My.God

Friday, June 18, 2010

Pope Benedict Is Marrying Two Gay Men in Irish Artist Kevin Shockey's Controversial New Artwork

     Irish artist Kevin Sharkey has completed an artwork that is sure to be a controversial masterpiece entitled "You May Now Kiss the Groom." 
     The work goes on display at the end of the month in Dublin, ground zero for the current iteration of the ongoing sexual abuse, rape, cover-up, and hypocrisy scandal in the Catholic Church.

     Critically acclaimed Irish artist Kevin Sharkey produced the startling image after the Pontiff labelled gay marriage one of the most "insidious and dangerous" threats to the world today.  Donegal-born Sharkey, 47, says he hoped the work would put the Pope's claim in context, and show the couple in an innocent and inoffensive light. 
     Sharkey said: "I got the idea for this piece when I read a newspaper headline, where the Pope had labelled gay marriage the biggest threat to our society.  I am familiar with the traditional stance which the Catholic Church is expected to take, but I just felt condemning thousands of innocent people with such strong remarks is both unchristian and insulting.
     "When I think all the evil in the World, from terrorism, to disease, to famine, I find it horrifying that a man with The Pope's incredible power and influence can only focus on something as minor as gay marriage.  I think some of the recent revelations of disgraceful behaviour by Priests within the Catholic Church is much more evil and disturbing than two people who wish to formally express their love."
     I couldn't have said it better myself.
BTW, I think I went to seminary with those two guys.

Bump to Towleroad for the lead
Images from Click Liverpool

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Lightning Destroys Big Butter Jesus in Monroe, Ohio

     Sick and tired of bad religious art, the Christian god, who controls volcanoes and earthquakes, sent a lighting bolt into the heart of a touchdown Jesus, destroying the statue which is also known as "Big Butter Jesus."

     The Dayton Daily News reports:
     Charred remnants remained this morning, June 15, of the large Jesus statue iconic to Interstate 75 that was destroyed following an apparent lightning strike during a thunderstorm late Monday night.  The Lawrence Bishop Music Theater at Solid Rock Church on Union Road endured smoke damage, according to officials.
     Damages to the King of Kings statue and the theater were estimated to be around $700,000, said Monroe Fire Chief Mark Neu.  No one was injured in the blaze.
     $700,000 to rebuild a wood, Styrofoam, and fiberglass Jesus?

     I wonder how many of Ohio's homeless, orphaned, and uninsured could use $700,000.


News coverage of Butter Jesus' demise.

     Heywood Banks' musical tribute to the statue.

Image credits: 
Unburned Jesus and Scorched Jesus by Towleroad

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Pope on a Rope: Catholic Sexual Abuse and Statute of Limitations

     Pope Benedict is a cleric on a wire, tightrope walking his way over a seemingly bottomless chasm of priest-perpetrated sexual abuse allegations and cover up by Catholic clerics in power. 

     It seems that daily news reports are tying both Pope Ben and deceased, soon-to-be-Saint John Paul II to more cases of the mishandling and enabling of perpetrators of child rape and sexual abuse in the Roman Catholic Church. 

     The tightrope is swaying and fraying.  Is it only a matter of time before Pope Ben falls into the chasm?  Is there any sacred soap that can gracefully wash away the stain of scandal?

     Yesterday, The New York Times published an Op-ed by Lawrence Lessig, law professor and director of the Edmond J. Safra Foundation Center for Ethics at Harvard.  In the piece, Lessig calls the church and Pope Benedict on their empty pledges to do all they can "to investigate abuse accusations and find ways to safeguard children in the future," while they continue to lobby against laws that will loosen the statute of limitations in sexual abuse cases, allowing victims to seek justice against their perpetrators. 

     We've seen this blatant and financially motivated hypocrisy in Connecticut and Florida over the past few weeks.  Lessig discusses how the bishops of New Jersey and New York have been and are continuing to lobby against victims' legal rights.

     Lessig states:
     If the New York Catholic Conference stops this reform, it will achieve three things. First, it will protect its own wealth. Second, it will assure that potentially thousands of victims who have been abused by priests will have no opportunity for compensation. And third, it will help preserve a system of irresponsibility that makes it too easy to ignore child sexual abuse, because the costs of ignoring it are lower in New York than in most other states.

     If Pope Benedict and the church want redemption for the crimes of Catholic priests, there must continue to be confessions of those past sins. But just as important, the church must look at what it is doing today and end its campaign to block the weak and the vulnerable from receiving help to deal with the consequences of criminal sexual abuse.
Image Credits:
Pope on a Rope, Cheaper than Therapy
Pope on a Rope Medallians, Mahalo Answers
Pope on a Rope in a Box, Verbal Viagra
Pope on a Tightrope, Photobuck Mariter7

Friday, April 16, 2010

Jesus' Phallic Abs, Oklahomans Condemn Catholic Icon, San Damiano Crucifix

     Why are Catholics so obsessed with dick?  If it's not the worldwide sexual abuse scandal, it's Pope Benedict's visit to Malta.

     Now the parishioners of St. Charles Borromeo want into the phallic mix, claiming that a religious artist in Warr Acres, Oklahoma, has gone too far in her depiction of Jesus' distended abdomen in a San Damiano crucifix.  

     These eyes-on-the-cock parishioners look at their savior hanging on the beautiful cross, but their perverted eyes can't see past his abs, which they claim are a giant cock and balls.   They can't concentrate on the "Body of Christ" in the communion wafer, because they are distracted by the king in all his glory over the altar.

      NewsOK reports:
      Critics of the crucifix take issue with what appears to be a large penis covering Jesus’ abdominal area. [Fr. James] Seeton said the portion of the crucifix in question is meant to be Jesus’ abdomen "showing distension” — not a penis.   Seeton said, "I’ve had people who have vocally said that that’s what they see there. I’ve had people who have been just as vocal who said that’s not what they’re seeing there.”
     Janet Jaime, a local iconography artist who designed the crucifix, had no comment. "I think it was painted according to the certain specific rules of iconography and church art,” Seeton said of the crucifix.
     Ms. Jaime really did follow "specific rules of iconography" in order to get the circumference of the shaft and the girth of the balls just right.

Do you see what I see?

     The crucifix in question is a San Damiano cross, a common Catholic icon that originated in Italy in the 12th century and is widely associated with St. Francis of Assisi and the order he founded, the Franciscans. The original cross is in Assisi, Italy. The San Damiano cross is considered an icon because it depicts biblical figures. The crucifix hanging at St. Charles Borromeo resembles other San Damiano crucifixes except for Jesus’ abdominal area, which is noticeably more pronounced than on similar crucifixes.
     Just how "noticeably more pronounced" are Jesus penis-abdominals in the Warr Acres Christ? 

     Here are just a few examples of the artistic Catholic tradition of the San Damiano cross.  It appears that there is a centuries old tradition of Jesus' anatomy gone awry. 

Click to enlarge.
Lift high the cock.
The balls of Christ proclaim.
'Till all the world proclaim his sacred shame!

Warr Acres cross is from OKNews.
Other crosses from Wikemedia Commons
Thank you to Towleroad for unearthing this story.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Good Friday Candy: Take This Body and Eat It

     What happened when the Easter Bunny attempted to usurp Good Friday

     No, not chocolate covered communion wafers.

     The Easter Bunny delivered Good Friday candy, like this edible chocolate crucified Jesus that gives new pleasure to obeying the command to eat his body

     Beware!  Whoever gets a nail in their slice has to do the dishes.

god Will F You Up

Here's something light for a change, a little more religious art, so bad that it's good.

John Butler's "Song Hand of the Almighty" set to some old PD footage of biblical scenes.
*Republican Jesus from Rabbit Starvation

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Stop Easter Candy Violence: Peepicide

     This just in: after receiving the Christian-supported death penalty on Good Friday, Jesus is back from the dead. 

     He appeared today in new form to the woman previously known as the prostitute.  After her Lenten fast, all the non-prostitute could do was stand in his presence yearning to obey Jesus last command to eat him.  Thankfully, the non-prostitute utilized her self-control.  However, the pope, hungry and angry that Jesus had returned to spoil his power party, took a bite out of the risen one's cheek

     No longer merely human, Jesus' resurrected body rose in the form of Peeps.  Christians everywhere rejoiced...that is, until their children introduced the risen one to the microwave.

     It's Easter all over the Christian world and children are rejoicing in their chocolate bunnies, peanut butter eggs, and marshmallow Peeps.  Having just been exposed to the way their savior was tortured, mutilated, and murdered on Good Friday, and hyped up on sugar, these little Christians are utilizing what they learned in church to torture their defenseless Easter candy.

     Check out what they've done to these chocolate bunnies:
     And that's just the beginning.  Those bunnies should be thankful, for their stale cousins that survive the initial barrage will face a much more explosive fate come the 4th of July.

     In every Easter basket there is a candy that takes the brunt of the Christian child's violent and crucifixion-informed imagination.  These are the Peeps.

     Even though the savior returned as a mosaic of the pastel colored chicks and even though the defenseless chicks represent new life in the risen Jesus, every Eastertide, little Christians and their loving fathers rush to the microwave to torture the helpless little Peeps

     Here is a heterosexual Peeps couple basking innocently in the early morning Easter sunlight.  Freshly hatched from their Siamese quintuplet birth, Ms. Pink and Mr. Purple quickly fell in love and shacked up.
     But an unnamed Christian boy had other plans and rushed the unmarried Peeps to the microwave.  As they bloated under the heat, the loving Peeps made a desperate attempt to consummate their love.
     They failed. 
     Here is the horrible result of this act of Peepicide.  Peepicide is the most common form of religious violence committed against defenseless Easter candy.  Sadly, Pinky and Purple Peeps are just two of the incalculable number of Peeps that will be sacrificed in the name of the risen Jesus on this day.
     Meet Ms. Pynk and Ms. Pinc, a lesbian Peeps couple that were featured in an article about homosexual animals in the New York Times this weekend.  A fundamentalist Christian boy snatched them up off the shelves of West Peepywood and in the name of his gay-hating god forced the loving couple to joust
     Yes, forcing Peeps to joust is the most depraved, perverted, and common form violence perpetrated against Easter candy.  It is also the most profitable, bringing in a combined 500,000 hits on Youtube every Easter.

     Unable to fly away, Ms. Pynk and Ms. Pinc were forced to stare into the brown eyes of their lover as they bloated up, burning from the inside, and punctured the other in a forced murder-suicide.
     Please, demand an end to the violence against Peeps and other Easter Candy.  In the comments below, share your experience of how the mythical resurrection of a crucified preacher is used to inspire violence against Easter candy. 

     All comments will be forwarded to the People for the Ethical Consumption of Easter Candy.  The folks at PECOEC (pronounced "peacock") are working hard to be sure that Christians everywhere do only what their risen-Peeps savior demanded: "eat me."

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Honesty in a Church

     While walking through San Francisco last week, I stepped into an ugly Catholic church in search of more possibilities for future bad religious art posts.  Instead, I saw this poster. 

     How appropriate for a church that promises its people peace, but only conditions them to believe they are inherently sinful and even intrinsically depraved as is the case for us gays.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The 12th Hate of Christmas: The Song, "Twelve Days of Christmas"

     The 12th Hate of Christmas According to Heretic Doctor de la Música:

     I hate the song “Twelve Days of Christmas. You know, the one that goes:
     On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me: a pink faux-leather New Testament with Psalms and the Words of Jesus in red.
     On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me: two gospel songbooks, and a pink faux-leather New Testament with Psalms and the Words of Jesus in red.
     On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me: three deities, two gospel songbooks, and a pink faux-leather New Testament with Psalms and the Words of Jesus in red.
     On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: four contradictory evangelists, three deities, two…
     On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: five golden endless circles symbolizing the eternal love between one man and one woman in the holy bonds of matrimony (one for each of my former wives, and the one I have now is not my wife), four contradictory evangelists…three deities…
     On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: six preachers lying, five golden endless circles…and the Words of Jesus in red.

     On the seventh day of Christmas my true love rested and I didn’t get a damned new thing.
     On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: eight lactating virgins, no new damn thing, six preachers lying…
     On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: nine ladies who wouldn’t dance in fear that their lascivious movement would provoke sinful lust, eight lactating virgins, no new damn thing…in red.
     On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: ten Lords leaping over one another to be the only true Lord of the Universe, nine ladies not dancing, eight lactating…

     On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me: eleven skin-flute players piping (now THERE’S  a gift I can use!!!!), ten Lords leaping over one another, nine ladies, eight lactating – whew, I need a rest
     On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: the twelve points of doctrine in the Apostle’s Creed, eleven faithful Apostles, ten commandments, nine fruits of the Spirit, eight beatitudes, seven gifts of the Holy Spirit, six days of creation, the Pentateuch, the Four Gospels, the Three Theological Virtues (faith, hope and love), the Two Testaments, (Old & New), and a pink, faux-leather New Testament with Psalms and the Words of Jesus in red.
I Hate Christmas!

     And thus concludeth the Twelve Hates of Christmas, Christmyths, Christmess (whatever you want to call it) and the celebration of the coming of the Santa Christ.