Showing posts with label Texas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Texas. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Fort Worth Councilman Joel Burns' Impassioned Speech on LGBT-Bullying-Related Teen Suicides

     Fort Worth City Councilman Joel Burns spoke last night about the recent string of LGBT-bullying related suicides.  He makes an impassioned plea to children considering suicide to not give up on life and then to parents and adults to make a difference and end the hate and the bullying.

     His impassioned speech is worth watching in whole.  (It brought me to tears.)  

     Just hold on. It really does get better.
     That's the message Fort Worth City Councilman Joel Burns shared in an emotional speech during Tuesday night's council meeting, saying his goal was to reach out to youths everywhere who are struggling with being gay.
     During a moving speech, Burns said it tears him up each time he hears about youths taking their own lives somewhere in America after being bullied because of their sexuality or simply struggling with it.
     Burns, who is gay, said he'd like to give his 13-year-old self -- who also struggled with being gay -- glimpses into the future.
     His younger version would see him meeting his partner, being loved by his parents, winning a City Council election, Burns said.
     "High school was difficult, coming out was painful," he said. "I want to tell any teen who is watching this, life will get better. ... Life will get so, so, so much better."

Friday, October 1, 2010

Texas School Teacher Taped Himself Having Sex with Students: It's Not Just Priests & Ministers.

     Here's the latest out of El Paso, Texas.

     Dance teacher Marco Alferez accused of taping himself having sex with children.  Marco Alferez, a high school dance teacher in El Paso, Texas is accused of filming himself in sexual encounters with dozens of children -- some of them as young as elementary school age. Authorities say they’ve found over 200 videos of the Irvin High School teacher having sex with children.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Fort Worth's Broadway Baptist Stands up for Gay Members

     Kudos to Broadway Baptist Church of Fort Worth for standing up to the homophobic Baptist General Convention of Texas.

     The Dallas Morning News reports:
     Broadway Baptist Church of Forth [sic] Worth has pulled out of the Baptist General Convention of Texas in yet another congregation-denomination split over homosexuality.The church’s move ends a relationship that began in 1886, when the BGCT was formed.
     Brent Beasley, Broadway’s pastor, called the break “sad” but necessary. “We’re committed to welcoming all people here, and we would not want to do anything that would be hurtful to anyone just to please the BGCT,” Beasley said.
     Broadway has long had openly gay members, a reality that became widely known in 2008. That’s when the church had a much-publicized internal dispute over whether same-sex couples should be included in the church’s photo directory.
     The Southern Baptist Convention and BGCT hold that homosexual behavior is a sin, and media reports of Broadway’s acceptance of gays brought the church into conflict with both groups.  The SBC cut ties with Broadway in 2009, and Broadway chose not to participate in the BGCT’s 2009 annual meeting, avoiding a likely challenge to seating the church’s messengers.
     Beasley said the church voted “without dissent” last Wednesday to leave the state’s largest Baptist group.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Texas' GOP Wants Jail Time for Straights who Support Gay Marriage & to Outlaw Gay Sex

     Even the  bigotry is bigger in Texas.

     You say Uganda, I say Texas.

     The Texas GOP (a.k.a. Tea Party) has announced its 2010 platform and it is not gay friendly. No surprise really.  The news is how far the platform goes calling for a complete attack on the private sexual lives of homosexual citizens and on their supporters.  Republican Texans are calling for the criminalization of same sex intercourse and for jail time for any straight person, who supports a same sex marriage.

     On criminalizing gays' private right to consensual sex in Texas, GLTNN reports:
     “We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy,” the GOP platform reads. Meaning that even though the U.S. Supreme Court overturned sodomy laws last decade (ironically in a case that stemmed from Texas), Texas Republicans would like the state to have the power to criminalize LGBT folks for having sex.
     Would this mean that when SHE and I go to Texas to visit my relatives that we risk arrest if someone accuses us of having sex while in the state?

     Concerning those who support LGBT civil rights and marriage equality:
     “We support legislation that would make it a felony to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple and for any civil official to perform a marriage ceremony for such,” reads the GOP platform.  If a straight person were to aid and abet a gay couple with marriage in Texas, the GOP would like to see that person serve mandatory jail time.
     So much for all being "created equal."  Forget the "right to life, liberty, and happiness."  Screw the GOP "value" of small government staying out of people's lives.  The Republican hypocrites of Texas want government out of their private lives while having government control every last bit of LBGT person's lives.

     GOP: Grand Old Pharisees!
They won't succeed.
Gay Texas Flag via Austin Chronicle

Friday, June 18, 2010

Joe Barton, BP, Jon Stewart, if the Oil Spill was in Barton's Hometown, and More

     If you haven't heard Representative Joe Barton of Texas' apology to BP for President Obama's holding BP accounatble for the cost of the Deepwater Horizon disaster, deaths, and ongoing oil spill, which is the worst man-made environmental disaster in U.S. history, here's the video.

     Rep. Barton, Methodist,  has received $27,000 in campaign donations from BP and $1.4 million from the oil/gas industry as a whole (Christian Science Monitor), but he represents the best wishes of the Americans whose lives have been taken and/or livelihoods destroyed by the BP oil disaster.  

     Yey, Republicans!  Good luck cleaning up this mess.  You best remove Barton from his post as ranking Republican on the House Energy Committee, if you want to cap this disaster.

     The following images are from the interactive map, where one can see the extent of the BP oil spill were it to be spread over land.

     Here is the extent of the BP oil spill were it to be placed near Barton's hometown Waco and the Texas 6th that he represents.  The spill would cover an area from Austin to Dallas/Fort Worth and beyond.

     The spill would cover an area from the greater Los Angeles and Orange County regions past the northern most suburbs of Los Vegas.
     In comparison to the fish and seafood resources destroyed in the gulf, the oil spill would cover most of the state of Iowa.  Imagine if all that fertile farmland was lost.  Are we to be any less concerned and angry about the loss of fisheries? 
     The spill would easily engulf Washington, DC, most of Maryland and Delaware, all of New Jersey, south eastern Pennsylvania, New York City, and some of Connecticut.
Bump to Joe.My.God for the map lead.

     Jon Stewart's take on real American Joe Barton's ridiculousness.
The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Day 59 - Judgment Day - The Strife Aquatic
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party

Monday, April 26, 2010

Taking Back America Tour: President Obama Is god's Punishment and the Democrats Are Demons

     Republicans and Tea Partiers gathered this weekend in Tyler, Texas, for the "Taking Back America" tour, where they claimed to know the will of their gods and denounced President Obama and the Democrats as "demons" and "God's [sic] punishment."  They preached the divine inspiration of the U.S. Constitution and called for their "army" of Tea Partiers "to take their country back."  All of this was done in Jesus' name.

      Conservative firebrands were out in force in Tyler, Texas over the weekend, speaking at a Glenn Beck-headlined "Taking Back America" rally.
     "I believe that Barack Obama is God's punishment on us today, but in 2012, we are going to make Obama a one-term president," declared Texas state Rep. Leo Berman (R-Tyler) according to the Tyler Morning Telegraph.
     Berman's extreme words were accompanied by other comments from conservative figures, including Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Tex.), who, in the height of the health care debate last month said that "demons" had invaded Washington and were causing Democrats to mislead voters about the merits of the bill.
     Glenn Beck, speaking at the event, said: "Do you believe this is God's land? Do you believe our constitution was divinely inspired? Why do you believe those things?" Beck asked. "If God is with us, who can possibly stand against us? The answer is no one."
     Texas Gov. Rick Perry also made an appearance and called the Tea Party an "army" that was gathering to "take their country back and send a message to this administration, to this Congress," an army that he said he was "proud to be in."

Friday, April 9, 2010

Big Oil Valero President Taunts Courage Campaign, Saves Catholic Mission

     Valero Energy of Texas has spent over half a million dollars to fund a ballot initiative in California, that seeks to repeal California's landmark clean energy law of 2006. In addition to this, the multi-millionaire CEO of Valero, Bill Klesse, has sent a taunting text message to a member of a pro-environmental group, Credo Action, that is leading a boycott of his gas stations.

     Credo reported in an email that I received this morning:
     We know Klesse got those messages because he's responded to at least one of them, defiantly taunting Californians and our support for clean energy. Here's what he wrote in an email to Courage Campaign member Tim in Sacramento:
     From: Klesse, Bill
     Date: Mon, Apr 5, 2010 3:32 PM
     Subject: Seriously?
     To: Tim in Sacramento
     Are you afraid to let people vote?
     Sent from my iPhone
     In reality it's Klesse who is afraid of Californians voting with their wallets -- boycotting Valero as long this Texas oil companiy tries to tell Californians what to think about clean energy and green jobs.
     I purchased my gas from Valero for the past 3 1/2 years here in Los Angeles, but no more. Join me in boycotting Valero and Tesero and sent them an email telling them why by clicking here.  Who knows?  Maybe you'll be blessed enough to receive a taunting reply from Klesse. 

     We don't need another out-of-state funded ballot initiative (like Proposition 8) that reverses the course of progress in California.  By the way, Klesse is a big funder of the Catholic Church, who apparently loves taking money from big oil to restore its Texas missions, while not giving a crap about global warming.

Don't Worry, Be Happy: Environmental Problems Either Don't Exist or are a Sign of the Apocalypse, Jesus' Second Coming

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A Day in the Life of Tea-Party-Inspired Violence and Terror

     You know how Tea Party and Republican politicians, like Sarah Palin, have been using language saturated with veiled and not-so-veiled calls for violence against the U.S. government and elected officials (Democrats).  Well the past few days have been bearing fruit.  And as their Jesus said, you shall know a tree by its fruit

     In the embedded video below, Rachel Maddow reports on the fruit of the Tea Party's labor.  Here are the highlights.
     I guess the question of these good Christians is now "Who Would Jesus Terrorize?"

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Texas' Terleton State University's Life Lesson: It's Easier to Burn than to Learn

     What would Jesus do if he were a Christian Republican in Texas and a student in a theatre class at a public university was doing a private class project composed of scenes from four plays, including the play Corpus Christi, that "tens and tens" of people were going to see?  Why he'd rile up the conservative masses, of course, to the point that rangers have to be called in to protect the students from angry, violence-threatening Christians, and he'd fan the flames of hatred until, for the safety of the students, the teacher cancels the class presentation. 

     This is the news coming from northern Texas and Terleton State University, where advanced directing student John Jordan Otte's choice to use a few scenes from the 1998 Terrence McNally play, Corpus Christi, in which, dog-forbid, Jesus and his disciples are portrayed as gay.  The private, in-class performance was canceled last night "after the school received a barrage of threatening calls and e-mails."

     The Star-Telegram reports the frightening level of hatred and threats that the school received:

     "Our department received calls of a threatening nature," he [drama professor Mark Holtorf] said. "I could not guarantee the security of my students. The administration was truly behind the academic exercise, but I could not justify the risk."  Officials announced Wednesday that the Corpus Christi performance would be moved from 4 p.m. to 8 a.m. Saturday and staged before a restricted private audience. Campus police planned additional security.  But during the past three days, the threats "ratcheted up to such a degree, it made me nervous," Holtorf said, adding that the identities of those making the threats could not be determined. "One call was a fairly long rant of incredible expletives. It was a scary rant. It was actually frightening."
     So, once again, Christians threatening the sword, rather than offering the other cheek score another victory for their Gospel According to Hate and miss the opportunity to learn something that could have given them a deeper insight into their savior and the experience of those different than themselves.  No!  It's easier to burn than to learn. 

     Here are some politically powerful Texans' responses to the events at Terleton.

     "Every citizen is entitled to the freedom of speech, but no one should have the right to use government funds or institutions to portray acts that are morally reprehensible to the vast majority of Americans."
     Lt. Gov. Dave, does that mean that you support the use of public funding for abortion since the majority of Americans believe that abortion should be legal?  You must have supported the healthcare reform, since 77% of Americans supported a public option, which didn't get past thanks to lying Republicans (like you) and their myth of death panels.  Since the majority of Americans also are against the war in Iraq and want the troops removed, I'm sure you support that, too.  Also, a majority of Americans are against the use of torture, so I'm sure you don't support that.  And finally, the majority of Americans favor letting homosexuals serve openly in the military and they also don't think that consenting sex between two adults of the same sex is morally wrong, nor is it a moral issue.  You agree, right, or are you just a another conservative Republican Christian who doesn't practice what you preach?

     University President F. Dominic Dottavio published an opinion piece in the Star-Telegram in which he explained:
     Although the university had not endorsed the play, it had no legal basis for stopping it. But Dottavio made clear that he didn't like it.  "I see no artistic or redeeming quality in the work," he wrote. "I believe, as many have opined, that it is offensive, crude and irreverent."
     Way to stand by your students and faculty, while still fanning the conservative flames and egging on the threats to your students' safety, Dom!  You might want to recall the etymology of "university," which comes from the Latin universus, meaning "whole" or "entire."  A university education is meant to be whole, entire; universal.  The quest for true knowledge does not come by stifling freedom of speech, academic exploration, and artistic expression.  By fanning the flames of those attacking the universal education of your students, you do your "university" and your post a disservice. 

     Hillcrest Church of Christ Preacher David Harris stated the following in an interview with The 33 News in a segment titled "What would Jesus do?":
     "Evidently they've got an agenda and it's a readical homosexual agenda that is being promoted and I don't know whether Tarleton is gettin it or not but they are using them as a venue for it.  Just leave Christ alone that's all, just leave him alone and quit defaming him."
     Defaming Jesus?  What of the wars, hatred, murder, sexual abuse, slavery, rape, abuse of women, child abuse, and lies committed in Jesus' name? 

     Conservative religious people get mad when Jesus is portrayed as gay, but cultures all over the world have adapted Jesus to be like them. 

     How many different skin colors does Jesus come in?  How many different shaped faces does Jesus have?  How many different cultural styles of clothing does Jesus wear

     Artistic portrayals of Jesus are as diverse as the world's individual Christians.  So, why wouldn't homosexual Christians follow suit and portray Jesus as gay?  But, when that happens it's a sacrilege and blasphemous, "defaming" and "misrepresenting" the white, crystal-blue-eyed, northern European, Soloflex Jesus that so many fundamentalist Christians adore.

     Lost in the political posturing and religious condemnations was the student's reason for choosing Corpus Christi and what he was saying with the work.  In an on-air interview by Tarleton’s Texan News Service, student director Jon Otte said that:
     ...he picked the play because, as a gay Christian man, he could relate to it. He did not feel the script was blasphemous, but he said it was, in fact, tasteful. "Never did I choose this play to attack Christians." 
    He further stated:
     This play deals with [gay] subject matter, I believe in a tasteful way. ... I don't believe in a God who hates me for who I am.  Never did I choose this play to attack Christians. I am one. 
     Imagine what David Harris, David Dewhurst, and their conservative brood could have learned had they listened instead of demanding fagots and flames.

Image Credits:
Photos of police cars guarding the Terleton State event: Whitney Lee, of the Reporter-News
Photo of white Jesus with blue eyes, from the Roman Catholic Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington, D.C.; photo from Notes of an Anesthesioboist

Friday, March 26, 2010

John Calvin and Thomas Aquinas, Our Founding Fathers

History Question of the Day

     Which of these writers influenced the political philosophy and origins of the founding documents of the United States of America:  President Thomas Jefferson, John Calvin, and/or Saint Thomas Aquinas?

     Easy, right?  The answer is President Thomas Jefferson.   You know, Jefferson, the author of the Declaration of Independence, and one of the many founders who threw off the religious tyranny of then-England and safeguarded the separation of church and state in our government.

     WRONG!  If you are one of the 80% of  students in the U.S.A. who will be reading textbooks published in Texas, you wouldn't know that President Thomas Jefferson is a writer who influenced the intellectual origins of our nation.    Instead, you will be taught that Protestant "reformer" John Calvin  and medieval-minded, pre-rational-thinking Catholic Saint Thomas Aquinas are the true influences upon our nation's founding documents. 

     John Calvin founded a theocracy, with morality police to enforce his religion's moral code under the threat of punishment, including the death penalty.  In one of his most despicable acts, Calvin ordered the death (by slow burning) of his longtime pen-pal and humanist theologian Michael Servetus after assuring Serveus that he'd be safe in Geneva.  Why did Calvin kill him?  Because Servetus had issues with Calvin's version of church and state.  The theocracy of Calvin is what our nation's revolutionaries and founders fought against, so that we could have freedom of choice and speech concerning religion/no religion.   

     St. Thomas Aquinas stressed the importance of both divine revelation and human reason, but reason was trumped by revelation.  The channels for revelation include scripture and the Catholic Church's tradition (not Protestant, not Jewish, not Muslim, not anyone else).  Aquinas' pre-scientific-revolution teachings on natural law theory have governed Catholic moral theology and political policy since.  How the Catholic Church sees god in nature is how everyone else must also understand god's will for the universe.  This medieval teaching has resulted in countless anti-scientific and anti-rational Catholic teachings.  If you don't believe an apostate gay like me, then just ask Galileo.  The anti-rational and church-imposed teachings upon science and reason are what our nation's revolutionaries and founders fought against, so that we could have freedom of choice and speech concerning religion/no religion.

      Earlier this month, the Texas Board of Education voted to rewrite American history in textbooks published in Texas arguing that history has been skewed by the left.  The vote passed with ten Republican votes, to five dissenting votes.

     The New York Times reports some of the changes the board is making to American history:
     Efforts by Hispanic board members to include more Latino figures as role models for the state’s large Hispanic population were consistently defeated, prompting one member, Mary Helen Berlanga, to storm out of a meeting late Thursday night, saying, “They can just pretend this is a white America and Hispanics don’t exist. They are going overboard, they are not experts, they are not historians.  They are rewriting history, not only of Texas but of the United States and the world.”
     The conservative members maintain that they are trying to correct what they see as a liberal bias among the teachers who proposed the curriculum. To that end, they made dozens of minor changes aimed at calling into question, among other things, concepts like the separation of church and state and the secular nature of the American Revolution. “I reject the notion by the left of a constitutional separation of church and state,” said David Bradley, a conservative from Beaumont who works in real estate. “I have $1,000 for the charity of your choice if you can find it in the Constitution.”  
     I guess for Bradley, Article 6 of the Constitution doesn't count, not to mention the First Amendment, and countless other affirmations of the separation between church and state in further Amendments.
     They also replaced the word “capitalism” throughout their texts with the “free-enterprise system.” “Let’s face it, capitalism does have a negative connotation,” said one conservative member, Terri Leo. “You know, ‘capitalist pig!’”
     Even the course on world history did not escape the board’s scalpel. Cynthia Dunbar, a lawyer from Richmond who is a strict constitutionalist and thinks the nation was founded on Christian beliefs, managed to cut Thomas Jefferson from a list of figures whose writings inspired revolutions in the late 18th century and 19th century, replacing him with St. Thomas Aquinas, John Calvin and William Blackstone. (Jefferson is not well liked among conservatives on the board because he coined the term “separation between church and state.”)
     Also in the changes: Sen. Joe McCarthy's fall from power is redacted in tragic light, saying he was correct about Commie infiltrators and justified in his actions in his witch hunt hearings; the civil rights movement is taught stressing the "unintended consequences" of the movement; and many, many more Christian nips and tucks.

     Texas is a huge exporter of textbooks to other states, so don't be surprised when these books end up on your child's desk in Illinois, Washington, or California.

     Don't think that it's just Texas changing Jefferson's history.  Never once in the White House's online biography of Jefferson is his fervent support and defense of the separation of church and state mentioned.  Never once is it noted that Jefferson was for religious freedom, yes, but also for freedom from religion.  In fact, the White House misrepresents Jefferson's history with a quote from a "private letter" stating: "I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man."  This is how the Jefferson bio begins, with a quote stated out of the context of his life as a deist, which in those pre-Darwinian days was someone who did not believe in a personal god as people today do.  Jefferson was not a religious man, and some argue that he was according to today's religious vocabulary, an atheist.  Of course, there will be no presentation of these arguments in the history books, thanks to the Republican, conservative Christian dominated Texas school board.


Click here to sign a letter to Texan publishers telling them not to rewrite history.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I Hate Stupid Signage

More proof of the thin line between love and hate.  
Six of the most hellacious signs on the drive between Dallas and Los Angeles:

Don't ask me what they're trying to sell.

Billy Ray, if you need a nice place to stay outside Amarillo, try the Ace Rat Hole.

This sign's honesty is moving, in it's simplicity.

KTTT: We have no problem exploiting religion and instruments of capital punishment for commercial purposes.  Ain't it cute how those crosses make Ts?

And now, the worst election sign from Texas, Fall 2008:

I guess god wasn't on their side after all.

The worst election sign from New Mexico:

You have to see Greg Sowards' website to believe it.  
He really is short and bald.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Jesus Hates the Cowboys

America's Team: 10
Jesus' Team: 17

The Dallas Cowboys

Sunday, Week I, Antipathy Time
It’s a Sunday in October and everywhere in the United States holy people are bailing out of church after communion so they can get home in time for football. Many will be praying for the Dallas Cowboys, the self-proclaimed “America’s Team.” I hope they lose. In fact, I hope that a random meteorite catches the Earth’s gravitational pull and slams deep into the heart of Texas destroying the state’s latest excess: the Cowboys’ new $1.3 billion stadium.
I hate the Dallas Cowboys! Everything about them disgusts me. Even when I was a kid, I recognized that there was something malignantly wrong with the Cowboys. They way they proselytized the rest of the country: “We’re your team. You love us. We share Thanksgiving with you! Our cheerleaders are what beautiful American women should be.”
The plastic, deified Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders personify the worst of the fan-whores that have sold out to the Gospel According to the Cowboys. Yes, you, the fans! Do you really think your Jesus cares whether Tony Romo throws that last second touchdown pass to squeak your way into the playoffs? Do you really think that your Virgin Mary approves of the not-so-subtle subliminal messages your top-heavy bulimic cheerleaders are giving to young girls and boys? Even when I was a kid, the low angle cuts before commercial breaks to catch more leg and the high angle zooms rushing past the pompoms right over that enhanced cleavage stirred my unconscious feminist tendencies and made me think, “If that was my mom, I’d step in front of the team bus.”
And it’s not just the cheerleaders and the fans, it the owner, Jerry Jones. The way he lords over the proletariat from his pope-like balcony! How come when Dallas plays the owner is shown repeatedly throughout the game, especially when it’s close, as if we’re supposed to care about the plight of some straight white billionaire who just corralled a city into spending 1.3 billion dollars on a stadium that was built right next door to an already built stadium that was only a few decades old?
At 26.9%, Texas has the highest percentage of uninsured residents in the nation. They don’t want to spend money on people’s healthcare, but they’ll spend it on a fucking 900,000 square foot stadium that they air conditioned on a day when it was over 80 degrees outside and then opened up the stadium before game time letting out all that cold air. What could be more “American” than that? Thank you Dallas Cowboys for sucking money from sick and dying children and for furthering the global warming cause by building a giant refrigerator that you leave open for five hours every home game. Didn’t your mama ever scold you for leaving open the fridge? Who raised you? Aren’t you thinking about your children? You’ve left them this fantastic new stadium? So what? So they can knock it down in ten years and build a new one in order to keep up with the 2.5 billion dollar stadium that Houston will build?
I hate the Dallas Cowboys! America’s Team. What part of America? Just the United States? Or do you include all of North America, Central and South America in there, too? Are you really the team of the 450,000 dirt-poor residents living in the colonias along your southern borders? Are you really the team of the homeless child living in the favelas of Rio that has to exchange his body for food? Are you the team of the gays who were beaten by your police until skulls were fractured just for being at a gay bar in Fort Worth? America’s Team? I’m confused. Isn’t it your governor that’s been threatening to secede from the Union, so as to escape the legitimately and democratically elected government of the U.S.A.?
Everything’s big in Texas: the stadiums, the egos, the ignorance (BTW, thank you for W.), the hair. As they say in the Lone Star State: “The higher the hair, the closer to Jesus.” So, Cowboy fans and cheerleaders, tease your hair high and keep praying to your Jesus that the money you’ve spent on “America’s Team” will win you that prized Superbowl. And then make good on your threats and secede from the union. We’ll be better off without you, and as far as I’m concerned you can take your sinful stadium, your overrated quarterback, your feudal lord of an owner, and your beach-ball-implanted priestesses with you.